I'm sorry
by Jehove
Summary: You chose your road I chose mine,You chose light which I would never find... You should never have tried to save me I cannot be saved...Credits: JK Rowling & Edgar Allan Poe for breakup skip to wayward strand.
1. What she saw in him

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Not really to Lily but what she saw in Severus...

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Longing eyes of the lost boy

Look into his eyes to find what's he thinking?

Sadly you'll never find what you're seeking.

He's an actor you see, a real good one indeed,

Masked by indifference, hiding was his creed.

Search his eyes unguarded, see what lies behind,

Sadness, tricks and lies is always what you'll find.

On the surface he seems cold and unmoving,

But don't judge what you see, looks are deceiving.

Deep beneath the surface lay a hurt young man,

Maybe never able to trust again…

Having seen reality at such a young age,

He locked himself away in his very own cage.

Afraid of others to come on in,

To taunt, to tease and to hurt him.

Time flies and the more he hides away,

The defensive barrier stronger each day.

The happiness he sought further and further away.

Alas he bows his head, "I admit defeat!" he said.

He gave up his desperate search and accepted his fate.

"I was never meant for the light anyway."

But even as years past and feelings grew cold,

The longingness in his eyes will forever show.

--SiLvErChiLd--

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A/N: Tell me what you think... Pls R&R (READ AND REVIEW!) 


	2. Welcome to my life

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Severus' life before Lily entered... Enjoy!

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Welcome to my life

I always sit on the windowsill,

Cos' it gives me a sense of peace and still.

My life is always full of fun,

Being tortured beneath the huge big sun.

Everyday I watch people laugh,

Or the marauders acting tough.

I'll just be here on my own,

No one by me, I'm alone.

Guess no one ever cared,

But that's just life isn't it?

It isn't fair!

Like people who hit you for no rhyme nor reason,

Treating you like some low life peasant.

I'm sick of this I want out,

But all I can do is sit here and sulk.

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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A/N: pls pls pls R&R! and to all my reviewers: I LOVE YOU ALL!


	3. Four Words

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

I was just toying round four words (I, why, to and like) and ta dah! here it is! Severus POV...

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Fourwords

I am staring at the ceiling,

I am talking to the walls.

I to life am grovelling,

I am on all fours.

Why are you so unfair?

Why doesn't anyone care?

Why there are so many questions?

Why no answers are mentioned?

To help my cope with life,

To overcome my strife.

To accomplish something,

To not end up with nothing.

Like those poor old beggars,

Like those liars who swagger,

Like those who hide behind a mask,

Like those who wallow in the past.

I don't think I can carry on,

Why am I just life's pawn?

To exist, to exist

Like to be lost in the mist.

I want to break the circle,

I just want to live,

To be strong and great,

Like those who can give.

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Well this is the story of my life... anyway R&R! 


	4. An existance?

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Some motivation for Severus... I'm feeling guilty for making his life so horrible... This is inspired by Invictus... So credits go to William Ernest Henley... Go on, read it...

* * *

An existance

The whole world is sleeping,

It's one now nearly two,

I have tried dreaming,

But sleep just won't ensue.

And now here I am,

Sitting under the light,

Writing little poems,

With rhymes that don't sound right,

Lamenting about my life,

Listening into the night,

Talking about my own strife,

To myself, just isn't right!

I'm staring at the ceiling,

I'm talking to the walls,

I'm unable to sleep,

When ever night falls.

I think I've gone insane,

I think I've gone nuts.

Yet I feel so broken,

I feel that I'm in parts.

Bashed by life's awful fate,

An existence, nothing more,

To play life's big game,

I feel like I'm its whore.

Yet despite fate's bludgeoning,

My head is still unbowed,

I will face my challenges,

And never will be cowed.

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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Review!


	5. Sand Man

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Lily has trouble falling asleep... ( Severus says, "Welcome to my life." ) Anyway it's from Lily's POV... Well mine too...

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Sand man

Sometimes I used to wonder,

Was there a land of sand?

And at night I ponder,

Was there really a man?

Who would come to your house every night,

With his little bag of sand?

Sprinkle a little in the eyes

And we're off to another land.

Of dreams and escapades,

From reality so cold.

I sure hope there's a sand man,

I really hope so.

But then again, I know that

He obviously isn't real,

He's just mere fiction,

Nothing but a tale.

Maybe he just isn't helping,

Me to fall asleep,

That's why I'm here writing,

Oh how, how I weep.

I really miss those dreams,

Of which in I fly,

It's really exciting,

But in the end I sigh,

It is not real,

It can never be,

It's too wonderful,

Unlike this world you see.

But still I really hope,

There is this little man,

Who comes round every night,

And sends you to another land.

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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R&R! Sneak preview of next chapter: The Sand Man RESPONDS to her pleas! So he drops by and gives her sleep... However it is not really what she expected... Hmmm... then again... R&R! 


	6. Haunt my Dreams

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Lily's dreams are being haunted by some one... Every night...

* * *

Haunt my dreams

Every night when I sleep,

I always have this dream.

About one single person,

Or so it really seems.

He haunts me in my sleep,

He haunts me in the night.

I try not to think about him,

I try with all my might.

Yet still sadly,

He haunts me in the night.

I have tried all ways,

Of clearing out my mind,

Yet still late at night,

In my dreams I'll find,

Him sitting there smirking,

Saying I'll lose this fight.

I'll say victory was not his,

It was never his right,

Yet still sadly,

He haunts me in the night.

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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R&R! R&R! R&R! You know you want it, go on... its just one click away...


	7. Acceptance Granted

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

* * *

Poem from Severus to Lily during school years: 

Hopeful

I used to love you from afar,

Knowing what and who you are.

Knowing that you're too good for me,

So unrequited love became my glee.

But then something unexpected happened,

You came to my aid when I was threatened.

But no, my pride would not let me say,

That my heart wanted you each and every day.

Still I knew things could never happen,

It will only cause us to be saddened.

I am but a boy with a hidden past,

Anything I touch would never last.

Even between you and me,

Things were never meant to be.

But I've loved you with all my heart,

And I'll fight the odds and never part

I want you to know how much you mean to me,

Yet I don't want to force you, I want you to be free.

But even now I still hope you'll be mine,

And despite differences love is what we'll find.

So now you understand now you see,

But the real question is: Will you accept me?

--SiLvErChiLd--

In the end she said..."yes".

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**A/N: Pls Pls Pls R&R kayys?**


	8. Wayward Strand

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Ending it all... (ToT) From Severus to Lily...

* * *

Wayward strand

Your bright green eyes

They're only pain

Don't look at me

Never again

Your soft red hair

Only haunts me

Don't let me see you

Just let me be

Your smell

Reopens wounds

That I hope

Would heal soon

I can't take it

I want to end

The love for you

Lily Evans

We were never

Meant to be

You were always

To be free

I cannot bind you

With my taints

For you're my

One and only saint

I cannot corrupt

Something so pure

You say that

You're my only cure

You tried to save me

But don't understand

I cannot be saved

I'm the wayward strand

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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Next Chapter: Lily's Reply...

R&R!


	9. Please Don't Try So Hard

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Lily's reply... Partly inspired by Maroon 5's She Will Be Loved... the last few lines anyway...

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Please Don't Try So Hard To Say Goodbye

For once, god

Follow your heart

If we weren't meant

We would have part

I took many risks

I'm sure you did too

To escape our houses

Our friends, our crew

Does this mean nothing?

Our efforts and all

To keep this alive

And yet not to fall

I know you love me

I really do

So stop depriving yourself

Cos' I love you too

Please don't try so hard

To say goodbye

It always ends with

Someone that cries

You are the one

That makes me fly

Without you I think I'll die

I hope you'll be mine and I sigh

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

* * *

Next Chapter: It's going to END! (ToT) sniff...

R&R!


	10. Thank you and Goodbye

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Reply... Final one... (ToT)

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Thank You And Goodbye

Lily please do understand

School will never last to the end

Friends turn to enemies

Enemies turn to friends

Some wounds would heal

Some never mend

I know that I'm going to hurt you

I'll make you blue

The pain it'll cause me

I don't think you'll want it to

So I think it's best

That we forever part

Forget all the things

Right from the start

I know this isn't easy

It would never be

But I think that Potter

Can fill the space for me

He is my enemy

That I know

But for you

I must let you go

We'll only meet with wands drawn in the end

Thank you and goodbye my sweet Lily Evans

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

* * *

It's over! It's ENDED... -sniff- (ToT) 

R&R...


	11. Friend Always

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Severus to Lily during school:

* * *

Here it is, how it began.

You have always been a great friend.

You're the light of my dim path,

You're the saviour of my dark past.

I wanna hold your hand and lead me away from here.

I wanna hold your hand cos' you're my only cure.

You see through the darkness and the mist,

Even when pushed away you persist.

To uncover me myself and I,

To find out who what and why.

Never jumping to conclusions,

Ever waiting, ever patient.

I wanna thank you for all you've done,

You're the first to listen; you're the only one.

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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Hope you enjoyed it :) pls pls pls R&R! 


	12. His road away from Her

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- especially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

* * *

Poem from Severus to Lilyduring the 1st war:

Hopeless

I chose a route obscure and lonely,

Haunted by ill angels only.

No one follows as I walk alone,

Sorrows unawaken joy at the same tone.

No one can save me not even you,

I was destined for black grey and blue.

Not that I can tell if anyone cares,

As my pain forever never shared.

For the outside world to come on in,

To all that's so dark grey and dim.

Innocence be what's that flown away,

T'was the darkness that's here to stay.

Till the day someone lights the fire in my heart,

My world shall be forever black grey and dark.

--SiLvErChiLd--

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A/N: Hope you like it pls READ and REVIEW! 


	13. Will Tomorrow come?

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Severus talking to himself during the first war? Weird I know... But I like this one...

* * *

Tomorrow

I always fear tomorrow,

Like the end is near.

I don't know what I'll do,

When tomorrow is here,

It is an unknown realm,

Which induces fear.

I'm scared for myself,

When tomorrow draws near,

I never look forward,

For the future's unclear.

Don't know who will die,

When tomorrow comes here.

I always feared the unknown,

For reasons I can't say,

But I think I'll appreciate,

What's left of today.

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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Appreciate what's left of today and quick go press the review button! 


	14. Green light

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

This one occurs at the house...

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Green light

I rush to your house

Your door is ajar

You cannot stop him

You are not on par

I stand in the shadows

Wishing you weren't dead

There were so many things

That was left unsaid

I then hear a laugh

From the upper floor

A green flash of light

Then nothing more

My world freezes

Time suddenly stops

My head spins

When a silhouette dropped

The leaves rustle

As the wind gently blow

You are a memory now

My world turns cold

Another green light follows

And another scream

Something was wrong

Or so it seemed

I rush up to your house your husband lays still

He has defied the lord

And now is served the bill

I move over him

And rush over to you

You lay on the floor

Dead cold and still

Then from the cot

I heard a baby crying

I thought he was dead

Or at least dying

But he survived

Awhile you did not

I wonder what were you thinking

What had you thought

He faces me

His eyes like you

Now he'll haunt me forever

And you will too

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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R&R! pls pls pls! 

and thankx to all the wonderful people who reviewed!


	15. Redemption

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

wow who knew i could squeeze out another... feels like forever since i've written anything... well i did this when i'm supposed to do my homework... and snuck off to the computer... promise not to tell? haha... anyway this one is by Severus some time after Voldemort's defeat... he's reflecting on everything thats happened... and if you have been listening to james blunt's high for like the 30th time you'll notice slight similarities with this and the lyrics...

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Redemption

Life is a journey long

Time just came and gone

Thought I was weak and wrong

You came in and made me strong

Thought I was in endless night

You came in and shone your light

The night at once took flight

You came and gave me sight

I'm sorry it had to come to this

Your smile I'll surely miss

Your voice is utter bliss

But I'm with the one who hiss

Mistakes I wish I've never made

To take back all I've done and said

For them down my life is laid

For sins now I have paid

But pure is what I'll never be

But I'll try even if they(1) don't see

Not for anyone, not for he(2)

But for you to remember me

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

* * *

ok if there is any confusion...

1.they refers to the people who don't understand whySeverus is acting this way eg. Harry Potter... Order of the Phoenix people

2. he refers to Dumbledore

lastly anyone can guess who is the one with the hiss... Voldemort!

R&R!


	16. Haunting eyes

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

Severus' thoughts after seeing 1st year Harry about you can guess who...Heehee

* * *

Haunting eyes

As I look at those green eyes,

Emotions hit me like a wave.

Those green eyes reminded me,

Of someone I couldn't save.

Someone who saved me from the dark,

Though it was never a walk in the park.

Who persisted when pushed away,

Never giving up as some may.

Who aided me and was my friend,

Ever forgiving, right to the end.

Though I'll never forgive me,

I killed my savior you see.

Now as I look into those eyes,

I tell myself with a sigh,

I'll protect him come what may,

And hope for redemption one fine day.

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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A/N: Hey you know? maybe Severus was saving Harry all these years because of Lily... I mean look at it this way... James saved Severus once... Severus saved Harry many times... Why? Wouldn't once be enough? Of course I'm just thinking... Hmmm... Let me know what you think ok?

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Okay to my dear beloved reviewers here's my answer to you all: 

>OMG ITS AMG: Thank alot!I think if not 4 your first comment I don't think I'll be writing more of this!

>AC Mathur: I loved it when you used brilliant! Thank you!

>PsychoHaired: Awww... Thanks yarrs! Keeps e coOkie

>Sadista: You really touched me by putting me on your author alert list! Love ya!

>padfoot6829: Err... Err... GOD DAMN IT! You made me SPEECHLESS! This is the first fav author I've received! Thank you thank you thank you!


	17. Me Myself My Life

Disclaimer: I own **NOTHING** -sniff- espcially Severus and Lily... -sniff sniff- They belong all to J.K Rowling...

I was just toying with all the poems I've written and decided to come up with a somewhat compilation of all the poems that add up to Severus' life...It's sort of sad... (ToT)

* * *

Me, Myself, My Life

You are about to enter my world so dim,

Where nothing is ever what it seems.

So creep into my head, sneak into my mind.

Tricks and lies is what you'll find,

But please do understand and don't criticize,

It will only lead to my soul's demise.

Shall I introduce you to my soul so frail?

It all begins with this sad tale:

I chose a road obscure and lonely,

Haunted by ill angels only.

No one follows as I walk alone,

Sorrows unawaken joy at the same tone.

No one can save me not even you,

I was destined for black grey and blue.

Not that I can tell if anyone cares,

For my pain forever never shared.

For the outside world to come on in,

To all that's so dark grey and dim.

On the surface I seem cold and unmoving,

But don't judge what you see looks are deceiving.

I am an actor you see, a real good one indeed,

Masked by indifference, hiding was my creed.

No one knows who I truly am,

Am I the fallen or the little lost lamb?

However the true me would never show,

So I'm afraid you'll never know.

And if you see me happy it's just a sham,

Just because I am not who I am...

--SiLvEr ChiLd--

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A/N: I think... no... I know I'm running out of ideas... and maybe this one will be the last for this fic... -sniff- anyway if you have an idea please please please let me know! and don't forget to R&R!

* * *

Okie time 4 the replies for my lovable huggleble OOC ALERT! (ok I'm freaking myself out but no matter you guys ROCK!) readers: 

>Sadista: Heys... I saw the Draco poem and I was like SOOO TRUE! Omg! tissue...

>Smittened by Marauders: THANK YOU!


	18. Author's note

**Author's Note**

* * *

Hello everyone! Thanks to all who reviewed! really appreciated it:P Anyway I think this is all for the fic... Thanks for reading! Anyway I have a bit more on my home page... Preview of the next fic... hint hint :P Once again thanks to all my beloved readers! 

--SiLvEr ChiLd--


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